The greatest of these is love…
Welcome to FEBRUARY, the Month of LOVE!!!
Our western society has taught us that we are VALUABLE if someone chooses us, that if I have a significant other - I am ENOUGH, if my prince charming or princess falls in love with me – I will feel WHOLE.
The FIRST question it raises for me is...
Is this truth?
Can another make one feel complete...
Or have we been fed a story that keeps us looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Being of the curious persuasion, I began looking at how love has potentially been marketed to us and shaped our beliefs. The results may be enlightening:
Disney:
96% of young girls,
87% of young boys
watch the current Disney culture
Romance Novels:
$1.44 Billion Dollars Annually
1/3 of ALL books sold are Romance
Music industry:
67.3% songs are about LOVE
Valentine's Day:
20.7 Billion Dollars were spent in the US in 2019 (fortunly.com)
23.9 Billion in the US in 2022
The second question it raises in my mind is:
What did the ancient philosophers study, discuss and debate about love?
Where there was NO money to be made off the answer, just ideas batted around, and
truth uncovered. What was the conclusion?
Love was separated into 7 or 8 categories by these philosophers,
and resulted in the reigning thought that was:
“Philautia” was the GREATEST LOVE..... The love one has for one's self
That philautia was and may still be the foundation to happiness and ease in life, in the philosopher’s opinion... blew my mind.
To know yourself, know what you want, more than anyone else and advocate for yourself in
every given moment, to be able to bring love, assurance, and care. To be my own best friend,
my anam-cara, to nurture and be the lover of my own soul.... Well that takes LOVE to a whole new level!
This sounds simple, so why is this so hard, and feel so tragic or extravagant?
Could it be that we are fighting our old core beliefs that love is outside ourselves, that one needs to find it, and get it, and prove they are worthy of it?
THIS raised more questions....
HOW does one practice this kind of SELF-LOVE?
THE BIG HOW:
So where are the songs about how to do this? Where are the movies about that? Who can help me learn this? How does one begin this journey? There was minimal on the subject, much to my surprise.
Again, I think it might be an inside job!
I combed through Dr. Google and found that yoga, massage, and taking a hot bath, is consistent advice connected with self-love. Which is great, but might we be looking for more? More than a first date kind of connection....a deep dive into loving oneself.
I understand that to begin any journey, it will be the first of a thousand steps and it begins again every day. But it must start somewhere... so here is my current hypothesis.
SPEND TIME WITH SELF:
I began an experiment this summer (based on an amazing suggestion.....to try “Rosie’s Special Sunday” - a day that I dated myself). Well shockingly, this was revolutionary.
I would kayak alone or take myself for a hike, or even if it was only a couple hours, go into the woods, set up my hammock and read a book. Or simply sit in my back yard when no one was home and stare at the fire. All brought new awarenesses, peace, love, and massive joy.
This week, I wanted to begin again, the practice of even a couple hours /one day a week, just taking myself away for a moment of time. So I took myself to Lake Louise and skated for 2 hours straight! Skating is one of my favourite things to do in life!! I could have done 1000 things on my to do list, but I tell you after those 2 hours of solo love, it felt like I had done a straight shot of oxytocin!!!
LISTENING TO SELF:
I started free writing - no editing or judgements - 3 pages a day (Artist's Way book
suggestion), and I have to tell you - the amount of uptake of love for myself after doing it for a
week, let alone a month is MIND BLOWING. It’s like I’m finally listening to my little girl, that
has SO much to say...and am stunned at the level of Joy it gives me to watch words tumble onto the pages and I connect with what I want, have observed, or concluded.
Understanding how to listen to my Inner Wisdom, is another important skill I discovered as
super loving to myself. To be able to say NO to people, situations, opportunities means saying YES to myself. As my sister says, Rosie the best decision for you, is going to be the best decision for everyone (eventually). And it’s a super power to know what I want, and say YES or NO....everyone has a different way of hearing or listening to your inner wisdom....so play with it and see if you can hear yours.
OPEN TO EXPERIENCE IT ALL:
Now I am not a humbug curmudgeon who thinks all other kinds of love are pointless and
unnecessary. Quite the Contrary.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE all kinds of LOVE....
It is an amazing and powerful feeling to be a part of a family and experience STORGE, or to be
in a relationship for years and feel PRAGMA, and to experience EROS – no one needs an
explanation about that.
But the commitment to knowing, listening, and choosing self-first, is life changing. To choose
to fill my own gas tank, instead of waiting for some beautiful, kind, handsome, rich soul to
come and offer to pay for your fill... THAT’S POWERFUL.
That being said - I’m not opposed to anyone wanting to fill up my tank occasionally, but I’m not
waiting for it...believing it’s the only way to begin my journey down the road....ahahah.
That I get to take care of that part of my life, and also share in all other 6 types of love!!!!
YES PLEASE. I am in favour of first experiencing and cultivating SELF-LOVE and THEN all the other kinds of love.
This, in my humble opinion, is where LOVE comes into BALANCE.
How do you find balance in love?
Rosie